forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
