Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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