this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
