thus making me awesome and them whores
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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