please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
