All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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