dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
