You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
