peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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