god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
