If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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