she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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