wat bout pragnant strippers??
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
