the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
