Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
