well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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