we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
