i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
