That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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