My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
