I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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