I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
