White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
