she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
