Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
