I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
