So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
