I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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