This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
