What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
