A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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