I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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