There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
