oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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