i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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