there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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