So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
