I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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