He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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