He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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