Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
smell my finger.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She bit a glass in half.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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