I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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