apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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