We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
