Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im holly from the hills drunk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
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