What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i now understand why vodka
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
