therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
