I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
