So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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