I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
